The Naked Truth

Ian and I were in Owen Sound for a weeks holidays last week. Imagine our surprise when we arrived to find a rattan coffee and end table on the grass at the back of our house.  We had lent the house to good friends of ours the week before but they had not mentioned it to us.  We called them only to find out that it had been there when they had arrived.  They had just assumed since they know us ( that we were the kind of crazy people that left furniture out on the grass).  And we often do, it is usually just that WE leave it out, not complete strangers.   None of the neighbours knew anything about it, and neither did anyone in our families.

Now, my cautious husband has a theory.  He thinks that someone dropped it off to stake out the house.  If it had not been moved, they would assume the house was empty and rob it.  Luckily our friends had picked that week to stay at our house. The constant in and out, plus Tara the killer dog  had saved the day. (By the way, thanks for the great pictures of the garden). He has been a bit burglar paranoid every since we lived in Kingston.  After living in Toronto for a number of years and not experiencing any crime, we were not expecting anything to happen to us in Kingston.  But…

Very early one morning my husband went down stairs, without turning on any lights,  to turn on the kettle for tea. He was naked, (as he always is in the morning) and he surprised a man with his head in the freezer.  Snatching up a tea towel to cover the important bits, he asked the man “what the hell he was doing!”  The man (getting a good eye full) said “They told me I could come get some meat, isn’t this 365 ?” Ian responds, “No, it is not, raise the flashlight up to my face,then  turn it off  and get out of my freezer”.  The burglar says, “Sorry” and leaves.  Meanwhile I and the dog are cowering on the stairs.  We check around after the burglar leaves, only to find that our “ghetto-blaster” has left as well. Oh well, it could have been worse we say, the booze was intact.

Ian decides to go upstairs and shower as he can still make his early morning meeting with the VP who has driven out to Kingston.  I am shaky, cannot go back to bed and sit down for a cup of tea.  All of a sudden, I hear a crunching sound of the pea gravel in the back yard. “Ian”, I yell. Down he comes from the shower, naked again. Back goes the tea towel into action.  “Hey Man”, did I leave my bag here?” the burglar has the nerve to ask.  “No, but we did seem to lose our ghetto-blaster” my hero replies.  “It wasn’t me, but I appreciate you not calling the cops so I’ll put the word out on the street maybe you can get it back” (Meanwhile I am in the living room, calling the cops.) The burglar,  leaves again and walking down the lane way behind our house walks straight into the police.  It turns out he did have our ghetto-blaster(no surprise) and a lot of other things too, but Ian was more concerned about his breakfast meeting.  Which you will be happy to know, he made!

Maybe if I had meet our burglar naked twice, I would be a bit more concerned about the mysterious arrival of the furniture.  As it was I asked Ian to make a top for them and we will paint them the next time we are up.  And any burglar, better think twice about stealing them, after all, the naked man is on guard!


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